Why am I going back?

Why am I going back?

I pondered over this issue sometimes but I returned to the same old point.

What do I want to do?  What do I love?

Some questions are never answered. It is the quest that satiates these queries rather than any particular answer itself.

Yes I love the university life. I love to study and learn. May be for now I know only these few reasons that  I want to go back , may be I’d find more when I live that life again.

Dream - 24 Mar

Yesterday I again had a dream. This time it was about the university that I am going to join soon and begin a new journey.

Although I didn’t see the university as such but only that I was feeling very excited about going to this  new place.

One of my seniors working here fixes up a meeting with one of the current students who is pursuing his MS in PE. I am riding on a bicycle to meet him. I don’t remember anything after this.

Pretenders

We are the pretenders.
Since I am idle
I am in a retrospective mood
I am trying to think about myself.

I am nervous , I am happy, brimming with expectations. I wish I had all these feelings but strangely I am very subdued and the call that I received more than being a moment of extreme joy ( as I had been eagerly waiting for it to happen for 1.5 years) it just turned out to be just like any other normal happening in y life with no extremities. Does it signify something? I do not have any idea but I think I have become calmer and learned to accept everything with equanimity.
Having a free mind and always being ready for come what may is what I have started believing in of recent.This leaves me with more freedom to concentrate on my present and not worry over future.

So why am I so subdued and mellowed? Where is all the excitement of having achieved something big?
Am I filled with hope? Yes that I definitely am. Sometimes I even have sleepless nights of which I shall grow out.Am I missing out on anything by not being overtly

M.O.P

The pains of insufficiency exceeds the wastefulness of opulence

And he plays with the strings
Controlling my fate
While the chorus sings
You're dead it's too late

Parched lips and bubbles

The new born bubbles are so eager to meet the cracks in my lips, to rise and meet the tender underskin.
Oh how beautiful that the need of love can be found in any two elements that are so disconnected .
I am hopeful of things to become better.

Wnadering eyes

The eye wanders off, it is restless and wants to search just out of curiosity .
It wanders off out of the glassed enclosures of my imprisonment through the reflections on a unmirrored glass without caring to stop by ans say hello to all the faces that are reflected off its careless and carefully shined surface of all the faces that are looking up to it in wonderment, onto to the caged veranda that is veiled by the unworried leaves of a tree and it tries to probe into the darkness ,"hello is there anybody there, are u scared of the light that tries to filter through the carefully guarded and shaded windows?"
Alas there ain't any answer but that wont stop this mind to think of possibilties of what if my eyes had met those deep eyes that were also searching for a pair to talk to across the narrow inhibitions of rooms and buildings.
I will find those eyes one day.

The watch that stopped ticking

I am a shabby old priosner.My watch stopped working many years ago.I do not know why my watc stopped working but I think I know why it did which may not be the reason.
The watch was tired of my inactivvity, it failed in its incessant attempts to rouse me from my slumber.Out of protest it stopped one day to teach me a lesson about the importance of keeping walking.

Dreams - Elephant's ride and Cows' chase

I had  a dream and...
Of what I can recollect in pieces

Somebody telling me that brown broad checked shirts are good and they look good with dark Brown pants. (Now what does this possibly means I do not know yet).

Another fragment that I can remember is as follows( I’d try to reproduce as I saw it , or rather remember as how I saw it since Freud says our reproduction of dreams is distorted by our mind trying to fill in the gaps wherever possible ( but I feel it is not so))

…I get down at a desolate location ( a station may be , a scene from Sundance kid I think, may be) and I see cows chasing from everywhere. I go to an abandoned house and I scramble up the old ramshackle of a building ut the cows are relentless in their chase and they too are climbing up the building. They are everywhere , all around and I am feeling scared ( I guess). Then I climb up to the terrace and I close the door. The cows ae at my heel and they come thrashing against the door. I lok around and I see a tree just beside the house , cows are climbing up the tree too. Then I see a ventilator ( glass pane divider type) and ants are scrambling out of it ( ants did appear in the earlier part of this dream but I cannot recall what did I see particularly about them) . I break the pane and get through it ( I do not know how I get out of it as the ventilator was small in size for me to get through it). After I climb out of it I get down the building and the next thing I remember is riding an elephant. The elephant is running fast and I hold on to its belly to keep myself from falling off it. The belly is moving in smooth waves up & down. Then the person who is guiding the elephant tells me to let go of its belly as it makes it feel uneasy , so I let it go.

After sometime the elephant is surrounded by wild elephants on a rampage but they make way for this elephant when they see it arrive (I felt like it is a respected figure in its community).

This was a strange dream. And like most of the dreams I have I feel I haven’t dreamt this before. But I guess it ahs got something to do with my Assam visit where I heard that there wild animals and once of we get surrounded by them there isn’t any escape.